Hello Everyone, it’s time to do this again! Are you a poet? Do you enjoy writing poems until your heart is sore or until it soars? I’ve held a poetry contest once before and I absolutely adored it! It was a blast and I got to meet tons of amazing poets and bloggers. For my […]
An old poem I found from my time in undergrad…
Waiting
The workload is overbearing now
…time…
it’s ticking and i can feel the pull of
seasonal change
Focus
I cannot
My mind is an endless sea
swirling through shades
of intertwining colors
Shapes of Summer
Smells of the heat
gusts of wind
freedom flowing through my fingertips
The bright sun is heavy on my eyes
The warm embrace of the flowers’ whispers
The sweet kiss of silver sunlight
The echo of laughter
Bouncing between the trees
I must focus now
And not get too carried away
For what approaches now
Are deadlines and more stress
Constant back and forth
Traveling with a heavy tote
Filled with books and papers
I flutter with this load
Hair askew
Sniffing the air around me
Constantly alert of the day and of the hour
I reach for my metro card
Swipe and enter
Always the same
Where are you, summer?
Oh dearest one
How I hold you in my heart
What have I done
For you to tear me apart?
My mind plummets down
to the depths of the ocean
The deepest winter crown
Down I fall again
I can recall the days
You held me in your arms
I can feel the lusty haze
That gave us much alarm
I remember the droplets of sweat
Falling down from your skull
All those thoughts of regret
Brought our haste to a deathly lull
My tongue searches for you
She can taste you again
She can feel your skin anew
A little piece of heaven
These dreams fill my heart at night
Mixing my brain with clouded reality
For in my mind I know it isn’t right
These memories I’ve made up in such wretched depravity
Ariana J
8/6/18
Every thought In my mind
That soon bears life
And is scrawled upon paper
Is toxic
Every written word
Every completed sentence
Feels like a confession to the gods
Judgment and fear
Silence and loss
Each inhale is a chokehold
The air fills with soot and smoke
A fog fills the clearing
Causing me to lose footing
Down I go
Into the abyss of terror-
Good Morning to you!
Good morning and thanks for dropping in. I had abandoned this blog yet again to try to focus on making IG my form of photo blog. But I realized that sometimes words can sculpt an idea or image or concept more so than a photograph. So, here we are again. Please forgive me.
Jumping right in
I’d like to talk about nannying or babysitting.
I am finally finding my way. Go figure – a Bronx girl finding her way in the big city . Who would have thought? But a bit late I might add. But who’s looking? Lmao
I am over my Aesthetics career .There is something so horrible about the style of work and the long hours and Shit pay that takes away from the beauty of helping people or making them feel pretty. It’s def something I’d like to continue on my own time- but not as a career. I lost myself and had no time for my own life. I’m taking my life back and kicking this depression and anxiety out! It’s time.
So I applied to Graduate school and received a Grant, for which I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
You may be wondering where the babysitting and nannying comes in..
Well, I work part time at a museum. I am unable to get more hours and I figure babysitting would be a great off the books way of getting extra cash while I work PG and attend Graduate School. Sounds good, right?
..Right?
Well- here’s the thing.
I’ve only ever babysat a handful of times
As a matter of fact, I never cared for kids up until a few years ago when I taught art to young students at an after school and summer program. Then one day, I babysat my BF’s boss’ kids. And tutored them in art. And I fell in love. Immediately and completely . It was like a hammer whacked my heart and I exploded into a hundred loving pieces.
And then I started to wonder.
About this type of job- it becomes more than a job. It becomes a love affair- an almost maternal job- for someone else’s child. Can I do it? Would I do it? Does it differ from nanny to babysitter?
What is it like to be the one a family too busy needs to depend on for the welfare of their chid[ren]? What is it like to be this child’s life force- their survival guide, their foster parent, their teacher , their tutor and their friend?
What happens if you become their number one and the parents hate you for it? So many questions and so many trials .
I received an offer to babysit my old boss’ toddler . He will grow up with me at his side. I would be considered family to him, if I stay. I am excited and nervous . I am in wonder at this concept. It’s truly an interesting idea- leaving your child in the hands of another simply because society doesn’t let parents stay with their children while paid.
I am excited more than anything.
I finally am intrigued by kids -probably since I am older now and more understanding. Oh how I used to loathe children- but I think it had more to do with fear- and the parenting. Or lack thereof… will I be raising someone else’s child ? I will be! ..but will I do a good job??
I sit beneath the darkness
And it covers me like a blanket
The stars falling back into the abyss
Each one teasing me to take it
I find comfort laying in the meadow
Toes curled to feel the Earth
Gazing up at her, I know,
Her silver light is my rebirth.
As she sprays her rays of silvery mist
Like a shadow unto my soul
My mind goes numb, my skin is kissed-
And the moon bathing begins to take its toll.
Beneath her light I find meaning
Of who we are and what we represent
On my body, her silvery smoke streaming,
As I lay thinking of contempt.
Moonlight breathes life back into my heart.
And sends me up into the night,
Swirling around with the stars
Blinded by the silver light
Colliding then with Mars
He holds me tight
And yells with rage
-oh with all his might!-
He takes me center stage
and caresses me into the night!
What a strange beast is this man of Mars-
Full of passion and fire –
This love is truly ours
He touches me with full desire.
Oh how the moon bathes us in lust!
And truth erupts, like Vesuvius in Pompeii-
…Shower in her silvery dust
And may your heart be saved.
-Ariana J.-
August 2015
Leave it to me to be the person who doesn’t blog ALL semester but choses the week before finals to write… *sigh* Why I chose to suddenly open this bad boy up and start typing away, you might ask?.. BECAUSE OF MY MUSIC AND CHRISTMAS. And of course… THE HOBBIT: The Battle of the Five Armies comes out in 2 DAYS *squeeee!!!!*’
Life is good aside from final exams haha
SO, my sister and I started decorating our house on the last days of November and let me tell you… THIS HOUSE LOOKS LIKE SANTA’S WORKSHOP! We are elves in disguise. I promise. The tree is up and the gifts are swarmed around it in a sea of red and green . Ahh, the holidays. I can smell the roasted nuts while walking down 59th street. I can picture the snow on the ground in my own neighborhood, untouched by any human feet. I can feel the joy of family and love overwhelm me. I can picture myself relaxing with “A Christmas Story” playing the background, a glass of Cabernet in my mitt, knowing finals are over, and a sweet vacation full of sleep, smiles and music is ahed of me.
Speaking of music, the BF and I already have most of our equipment but are still trying to get our hands on a Triton Extreme Keyboard for less than a thousand. UGH
But I set up a mini studio in my own room last night, and I have all the doodads and goodies ready to go. I am SO excited for this January break.. Why you might ask?… WE ARE GOING TO FINALLY RECORD! YES! I know I haven’t really mentioned, if ever, that we have our own band project going on and that we’ve been saving and purchasing equipment for recording for the past year and a half. BUT IT’S TRUE. And we have a few songs ready to rock n’ roll! I could almost scream! Happy holidays indeed!
Anyway, that is my Christmas/music blog for now. Let me know how your holidays are going so far! Hugs and kisses !
Absolutely
YES.
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. –John Lennon
ThoughtsWithAri 